Hofstadter v Hofstadter
by SlightlyOffKey
Summary: It's down the road 11 years, Penny and Leonard are married but things have gotten out of hand. Will someone be there to save the day? I hope so! this is what happens when I get bored.
1. Hofstadter v Hofstadter

**Hofstadter v Hofstadter**

The bald judge sat behind the bench with his glasses perched on his crooked hawkish nose. The black robes he was dressed in buttoned to the top. He shuffled the papers in front of him and looked over at the court reporter/clerk sitting to the side of the tall dark walnut bench.

"Call the next case Alice."

Alice looked to be the court reporter right from central casting. She was a large woman with dark hair in a bouffant style from 1960's, only the post and the wheels of the stool she was perched on could be seen. The seat obscured by her ample bottom wrapped in a grey skirt. Her white top had small grey polka dots that matched the skirt exactly. She had matching shoes that her large ankles and calves made it seem as if they were several sizes too small.

Leonard took this all in as he sat next to his attorney at the right hand table. He stared at the court reporter not daring to look to his left where Penny sat beside her attorney at the next table.

The court reporter handed up a file to judge, "Hofstadter v Hofstadter judge final disposition of assets and decree of dissolution of marriage."

The judge looked up at the parties. Leonard felt nervous. He reached up and straightened his tie then pushed his glasses up his nose before running his hand over his hair. He took a small sideways glance at Penny. She was dressed in a business type skirt and jacket. A light brown with a pink blouse her blond hair was down over her shoulder. She didn't look over at him. Leonard steeled himself.

The judge looked down at the file, "I see everyone has their counsel with them. Judge Clemens has been handling your case but unfortunately he was injured on the job several weeks ago and won't be returning for quite some time. So you're so very lucky to have my services today."

Leonard listened to the judge's flat monotone voice the last line dripping with sarcasm. He leaned over to his attorney and whispered, "Oh yeah he seems happy to be here."

Leonard's attorney did not respond just nodded her head very slightly.

The judge was reading through the file, "So you two have decided to call it quits after ten years of marriage citing irreconcilable differences. You have two children a boy four and a girl eight. You've decided to have joint custody with the primary domicile being with the father. Okay fair enough. The property settlement is agreed upon. Mrs. Hofstadter will be keeping the house in Brentwood, Mr. Hofstadter the house in Pasadena. You are selling and dividing the proceeds of the vacation home in Lake Tahoe."

The judge looked back up at the parties and smiled, "Wish my divorce had been this neat and tidy. This is the point in the proceedings where either party gets a chance to say we've changed our minds. Anything? Any objections or amendments before I sign this?"

"I have an objection"

Leonard turned toward the familiar voice from the back of the court room.

"Sheldon, what are you doing here?"

Sheldon was standing now before the last set of benches in the courtroom. He had on his black suit Penny had picked out for him years before though the white shirt and black tie were new. Leonard looked over at Penny. She looked from Sheldon to Leonard her eyes wide and mouth open. Leonard shrugged at her and she got that look of exasperation on her face.

The judge looked amused, "And you are?"

Sheldon didn't move, "Dr. Sheldon Cooper your honor, you may remember me. Twelve years ago you found me in contempt in traffic court. It's good to see you've moved up the judicial ladder."

The judge was suddenly not amused, "I remember you now Dr. Cooper and I still have traffic court on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What are your objections to this divorce?"

Sheldon walked up the aisle and stood between the council tables, "Oh I have several. To start it's Dr. Hofstadter who gets the house in Pasadena. Leonard may be a subpar scientist but he does have his doctorate and deserves to have his title used."

The judge looked over his glasses at Sheldon, "Duly noted, Alice let the record show I will now refer to Dr. Hofstadter with the proper title. What are your other objections Dr. Cooper?"

"Your Honor I think it would be a miscarriage of justice to grant a divorce to two people who still obviously love each other."

The judge looked at both Leonard and then Penny, "Is this true? Do you still love each other?"

Leonard looked over at Penny and she was staring down at the table. He was about to speak but Sheldon was quicker.

"Of course they do. Just look at their divorce. They aren't fighting about anything. The entire thing is very equitable, they each are giving to other. I believe they even have a visitation section regarding the family dog. I know neither one of them have started dating again."

The judge was truly fascinated now, "And you know that how?"

Penny is my wife's best friend, Leonard is my best friend. My wife and I talked about it. Leonard has several females interested in him at work and he's ignoring them. Penny is in a new movie with that hot Australian fellow and hasn't slept with him yet."

Penny looked over at Leonard at the mention of several interested females. Leonard shook his head slowly, Penny for the first time smiled at Leonard. He returned it with his own.

"Your honor I suffered through seven years of these two dating. It was on again, off again. Happy then fights before going back to happy. There was no logic to it whatsoever. She broke up with him in a bowling alley. He asked her to marry him during sex once. She had him fake that they were together for her father. They had a bug list for their relationship. She pined for him for two years when they were broken up. If you grant this divorce they will just get back together in a few more months. In fact I believe she had him stay over several weeks ago."

Leonard looked back at Penny and watched her blush. She turned her head slowly toward him smiling. Leonard remembered the weekend. They had almost got back together.

Sheldon was still not done, "You honor I believe in divorce. I actually typed up the divorce papers for my own mother when I was eleven but she wouldn't do it. These two imperfect people have loved each other for over fifteen years. Through thick and thin, together or apart they are symbiotic."

The judge nodded again then repeated his question, "Do you two still love each other."

Leonard thought he was answering first but Penny and he spoke at the same time, "Yes"

The judge nodded, "Very well then. I'm going to set aside this decree and order you two to go spend the next week alone at a neutral location. I suggest the house in Lake Tahoe. The children will be watched by Dr. Cooper and his wife while you're gone."

Sheldon got a small grin on his face, "Very well decided your honor"

"Why thank you Dr. Cooper at least I didn't have to send you to jail today. Alice we're adjourned, get me a sandwich I'll be in chambers."

The judge stood and walked toward the side door behind the bench.

Leonard stood and walked over to Penny. She had stood and towered over him in her high heels. Penny stepped out over them to be at the same height as he was.

Leonard took both her hands, "This really got out of hand didn't it? Of course I still love you."

Penny was almost crying, "Yeah it was just a fight, having more than one house let us run away from each other. I love you too Leonard, I miss you everyday"

Leonard pulled her to him and the tears started to flow from both of them.

The two attorney's picked up there briefcases and walked down the aisle toward the door.

Leonard's attorney turned toward Penny's, "Well that was a first. Judge Clemens would never have done that. What happened to him anyway?"

Penny's attorney looked around and then quietly he spoke to her, "Judge Clemens has a thing going with Alice. They were in chambers doing a little dictation and she slipped off the desk and fell on him it broke his leg in three places."

Leonard's attorney chuckled, "Ain't love grand? What did Clemens's wife say?"

"I'm not sure I'm representing him in his divorce, she got other counsel"

**Yes all is revealed, just something for fun and entertainment. Hope you enjoyed it, SOK**


	2. Shoring Up

**Shoring Up**

Penny stood in a long yellow silk robe looking out the window with her back to Leonard. He was seated on the tan leather couch behind her a blue blanket wrapped around him. Behind Leonard is a white brick fireplace and chimney taking up the entire wall. There is a large golden sunburst disk in the middle of the brick chimney a gas fire in grate below burning brightly. To each side of the grate are pictures of their family and friends and themselves covering the brick. Penny continues to stare out. Leonard continues to stare at her back.

Penny brought her hand up to her mouth, "I always forget how beautiful the lake is here. It such a dark blue but so clear that all the mountains around it are reflected back at you."

Leonard nodded slowly, "The view was what sold us on the house. I would have missed it." He paused looked down for instant then wiped his eyes, "I would have missed you more."

Penny got a crooked grin on her face, her back still to Leonard, "It never felt real until we were sitting in that courtroom the other day. It was like just a continuation of the fight"

Leonard frowned slightly, "I know what you mean. What would have happened if Sheldon hadn't showed up?"

Penny turned toward him, "I don't know but we probably wouldn't be here. I'd still be crying most likely. I wasn't mad anymore, hadn't been for a while now. Leonard I couldn't swallow my pride and say I was sorry and that we should try again. I never have, I always let you be the one to make peace. Why didn't you this time?"

Leonard shook his head still frowning, "It was that stupid Couples Growing Closer training we went to. You told me I needed to man up, be more assertive and stop groveling. The guy kept talking about love being about never saying you're sorry and you went on about how I always say I'm sorry. So we got into a fight and I never said it."

Penny nodded seriously, "Yeah going to that was a mistake. Bernadette recommended it."

Leonard smirked, "I'm sure it really worked for them. Howard and Bernadette only have his mother to fight about. Howard always has to apologize. Now that I think about it love is all about being able to say you're sorry and the other person accepting it."

Penny was nodding again but a small grin had crept on her face, "So after our fight you stayed at our old house in Pasadena and wouldn't even talk about it."

Leonard lay back on the couch, "Oh I wanted to, but I was supposed to wait until you apologized this time."

Penny came over and got under the blanket beside him, "Bet the call from the lawyer must have been quite the shock then."

Leonard grimaced, "Yeah then I got mad and got my own lawyer. Before I knew it they had a settlement worked out and had us filing jointly. Why'd you get the lawyer Penny?"

Penny snuggled into his shoulder his arm sliding around her. A natural move as if neither had planned it just memory kicking in.

"Mark my agent said I needed to be protected. He called the lawyer saying we would need to get officially separated before I started the new movie or you would get half."

Leonard sneered, "I hate that guy, bet it came as quite the surprise that I really wasn't interested in money or anything just you and the kids. My lawyer was certainly surprised she said I could get alimony."

Penny ran her hand up his chest, "Yeah it might be time for a change in agents. Sweetie never again, no more lawyers. Even if we break up we'll just stick it out and see what happens. Sheldon is right we'll come back together. Oh and I would have given you alimony."

Penny leaned up and kissed Leonard's cheek, "By the way, I'm sorry."

Leonard chuckled, "That's the really silly part I was being an ass and I should have apologized. No more classes, seminars or lectures. I say we muddle through just like your parents. They're still married."

Penny smiled, "Yep, sound good. Let's go back to bed then for a walk by the lake. We'll call and check on the kids when we get back."

Penny rolled on top of Leonard and their lips met.

**Yep, he still lives in 4A**

Sheldon looked up from his laptop as Penny came through the door in a light blue dress and matching flats. Leonard followed in a pair of jeans and khaki jacket over a black hoody and purple t-shirt.

Penny looked around, "Hey Sheldon, where's the kids?"

Sheldon swiveled in his chair, a new red flash t-shirt over the top of a grey long sleeved shirt.

"I had Amy take them and Erwin to the park."

Leonard chuckled, "Still hard to believe you named your infant son after Erwin Schrodinger. I see you have on the shirt we gave you for Christmas."

Penny looked at Leonard, "I thought you called to let them know when we'd be here?"

Leonard shrugged, "I did before we left."

Sheldon motioned to the couch then walked toward his spot, "I had Amy take them to the park so we could have a short discussion. Please sit down."

Penny looked over a Leonard, "He did save us from getting divorced."

Leonard nodded and they both sat on the couch. Sheldon handed each of them a thin binder of paper.

"Penny I've tried to keep this relationship agreement short and simple so as to not tax your reading capacity. This is long overdue you two really should have had one of these years ago. It codifies those things that I have noticed in your relationship and gives you several ways of settling any grievances you might have with each other. In that way you will be happier in your marriage and I won't have to risk going to jail again."

Leonard was looking through the binder now, "Okay this looks pretty good so far. Let's see we are both required to talk through any fights we've had within 72 hours. If we can't do that then we have to start talking to each via a blog. Oh wait a second, if we are unable to resolve the dispute an independent arbiter will decide it for us? Let's see that's in appendix 3. Sheldon you're the arbiter?"

Penny frowned then started looking at her copy, "Well there are a lot of other good things in here. We have to spend a weekend together at least once a month. When we are having a fight we should both let it go and go play with the kids together. Oh you're required to get me a gift if you've wronged me jewelry preferred. We talked about some of this in Tahoe Leonard, about looking for a new house and selling the other two."

Sheldon smiled now, "I saw no need for a coitus section with you two. That's never been a problem in the past. But I could add one if you would prefer a more structured"

Penny was shaking her head Leonard was way ahead of her, "That won't be necessary Sheldon. Now back to this part about you being the final arbiter. I think both Penny and I."

Leonard looked over at Penny then grasped her hand, "Penny let me know if this doesn't work. Sheldon I think you and Amy together should be the final arbiters. A woman and a man would be better."

Penny looked back at Sheldon, "I think it would have to be that way Sheldon. Leonard will need someone on his side."

Sheldon looked in thought for a moment, "Acceptable, though I assure you both I can be unbiased."

Penny looked back over at Leonard. She was still holding his hand, "What do you think sweetie. It's more than we have now?"

Leonard looked into her face, "It's structured and meticulous and because it's not involving Sheldon very fair to us both. It's not all that different from our beta test from years ago, why not?"

Penny took the pen that Sheldon was offering, "Gees Leonard you once signed that stupid roommate agreement, at least I know who I'm living with."

Penny signed her copy then handed the pen to Leonard who signed also. Sheldon took the signed copy and handed then back a copy.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and held it to his mouth, "The eagle has landed you can come home."

Amy's voice came from the other side of the door and the phone at the same time, "Here we come"

The door flung open, Leonard and Penny both turned to the door. Their face were all smiles, bright and glowing"

Two small voices one a girl and one a boy blended together, "Mommy, Daddy"

**I like to think of this as my own little pilot for down the road when TBBT has been gone for a while. Hofstadter v Hofstadter the new TBBT series **

**Will I write more? Maybe later, right now I have a new book to start writing but I'm sure I'll be back.**

**SOK**


End file.
